Don't Let Your Neighbors Be Strangers
On the importance of social trust and the utility of third places
A chance encounter
A couple of years back, I sat down with a couple friends in the back of the Little River Coffee Bar, a popular coffee spot situated in the Masonic Temple downtown. This was a trip that mostly entailed catching up with a friend who was usually too busy to grab coffee with us. So we talked about the classes we were taking, current events, and funny things that happened to us recently. It was a wonderful experience. Just talking to my friends over a cup of coffee is genuinely my favorite thing to do.
What made this particular trip important was that someone sitting behind us was obviously listening to our conversation. She had been sitting there typing away at her laptop, just as I am doing now. Eventually we notice that she is listening so we invite her to pull up a chair and join us.
At first, she protested because she had school work that had to be done but she eventually decided to sit down with us and the conversation continued with her involved. We still talk every now and then and even ran into each other while I was working in Durham, NC over this past summer. This chance encounter would not have been as possible without the coffee bar serving as a “third place.”
What are we missing?
The concept of a “third place” was coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg and refers to places we spend our time that are not home (the “first place”) or work/school (the “second place”). Although he coined this term in the 1980s, the concept of a third place has gained much more prominence in a post-lockdown world. Many of us experienced not being able to see our families and attending class through Zoom and working remotely. For me personally, this put things into perspective and made me realize just how much I valued the community around me. Prior to that, I really took for granted just how important positive social interactions were for my own health and sanity.
Third places are often places where we can hang out with friends and meet others. They may be places you go to solitarily work on the next great American novel or places where you go to catch up with friends. The third place may be a venue for a first date or a place where you can read a board full of upcoming community events. Overall, the third place is something that is very important for a thriving local community.
The unfortunate truth is that many of us lack a third place. For many, they are locked into a long commute from Suburbia to their job. They leave too early and arrive home too late to talk to their neighbors or go to a third place. For others, going to a third place can be expensive. Outside of a public library, there are not many third places available that do not involve the social expectation of spending money or drinking alcohol. This can be a barrier of entry for many that prevents our third places from truly serving their purpose.
An aside: talk to folks if you dare
Now we will pause the technical conversation on third places to turn to a more folksy concept: don’t let your neighbors be neighbors.
What do I mean by this? I mean taking the chance that my friends and I did at the coffee bar and inviting someone to your table. I mean complimenting someone’s outfit in public. I mean attending local meetings and discussing issues with your neighbors. I mean asking folks if they need help finding anything if you see someone downtown who seems lost.
For my generation, the internet has broadly developed into our third place. While the internet has many benefits (obviously I am posting this from there), it is not always the most personal place. Many of us do not know our neighbors. When some of us think about our neighbors, we imagine the folks angrily typing in the Facebook comment sections of GoUpstate and not the fella we see in Pharmacy Coffee working on his laptop every single time we go in there. Of course we distrust those around us if we are in a constant negative feedback loop that depersonalizes our community.
I have been reading Happy City: Transforming Our Lives Through Urban Design by Charles Montgomery, and in that book the author cites a 2009 Toronto study in which researchers dropped wallets around city and track if they would be returned. The study found that people estimated there was a 25% chance that they would get their wallet back if they lost it in Toronto. The study found that 83% of the wallets were returned, showing that maybe we can trust other people more than we think. There have been several studies since that show the same or similar findings.
One frequent barrier to social trust is not knowing who your neighbors even are. How can you expect your wallet back if you drop it in your yard if you do not even know the first name the person who lives next to you?
A call to action
As an urbanist, I obviously will talk a lot on this blog about the built environment of Spartanburg. I do not want any of that to overshadow the primary reason I care about these issues. I believe that the way we build Spartanburg can improve people’s lives. I believe that transportation in Spartanburg can be more equitable. I believe that we can strengthen the community we have here.
This call to action is not for you to send your neighbor a link to this article or to ask them if they like bike lanes. This call to action is for you to find out who your neighbors are. Walk around your neighborhood. Walk around downtown. Say hello to folks as you pass by. Learn people’s names. Show people that you care about them.
And I promise y’all that I practice what I preach. If you see me working in the coffee bar, pull up a chair. If you see me walking the square, call out. I am always down to stop and catch up. It is one of the reasons why I find walking to be so rewarding.
In all that I do, whether it is just living life or directly tied to my local advocacy for better built places, I want to show that there is a seat for everyone at the table. For me, we are all neighbors. You could be a college student who only comes here for school semesters, a new transplant working at BMW, or someone whose family has roots right down to our founding. You could be a different race, gender, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation than me. You are a neighbor and you have a stake in the better place that we have the opportunity to build. I believe we should all advocate for Spartanburg to be a safer and more equitable place, not just for ourselves, but for the folks we call neighbors.
What makes Spartanburg unique and special is not our Morgan Square or our growing trail system, but the people here. They will make the difference.
Until next time,
Liv.